


Baldi F***s the Principal For Some Reason

by Lemonono



Category: Baldi's Basics (Video Game)
Genre: Anal Sex, Baldi x Principal, Baldi’s Basics, Dank, Gay, Gay Sex, M/M, Oral Sex, Principal x Baldi, Satire, Smut, Why are half of these tags about sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-10 02:32:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15281640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lemonono/pseuds/Lemonono
Summary: They have gay sex, man. What else do you expect?But wait! Not only do they do the sex, but they also do the love! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)Used to be up on Wattpad.





	1. Dude, you know what Baldi does

    Baldi was just slapping his ruler as he chased a student when the Principal of the Thing passed by them, declaring lifelessly to the sprinting student, "No running in the halls. Detention for you. Your parents will know about this one." The Principal and the student got to the School Faculty Room, and Baldi heard the door open and close, as well as the Principal announcing to the student, "69 minutes."

    OMg YaaAAAAssss daDDY. HhhaRDWER ppAPI DESPACITO WE CAN DO IT DOWN IN PUERTO RICOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! BALDi RARRRRANN TO THAt rooom atydebnwe hbaiuhjsiundcijsabndicuahsoiudh6 aT inH\YYYYUIMAN SPEEDA STAIGT FO DADDY PRINCEPOLE OOHHHHH FUCK ME NOW PLES.

    "What the hell was that?" the Principal expressed in utter confusion. He knew Baldi could be an animal, but goddamn, man!

    Baldi leaped for the Principal like a fucking frog, pinning him against the wall. He told him, letting his breaths touch his neck, "That was my binomials expanding, 'cause you got me harder than calculus."

    The Principal got straight to the point, "No."

    Baldi also got straight to the point, "Yes." He put his hands on the Principal's body, which the Principal only let him do because if he dared to escape, Baldi would go apeshit again, this time in anger. Whatever Baldi wanted him to do, he would do obediently.

    Baldi continued, "I've been jacking off to you for 127,367,864,872,364,783,265,786,327,856 + 666,666,666,666,666 days, baby. It's about time I made a move."

    "Well, it's more than about time if you've done nothing about wanting me for that many days, cunt."

    Baldi had the face of knowing he just got roasted. "You're right." Now he returned to being horny, resuming breathing on the Principal's neck. "And that's why I'm going to do you now."

    Baldi moved one hand down into the Principal's pants. He got it through his underwear and stroked his packaged meat. He waited until the Principal got hard and started moaning from the pleasure caused by Baldi's occupied hand, and then he used his free hand to drop his pants and boxers to the floor.

    The Principal quickly ended up enjoying this. Forget that he had forced himself to follow Baldi! Now he consented by 10129029018309829432897349836576345643765782317398126467261478% percent.

    Baldi pulled down his own pants and underwear, too... Wow. He already had precum and a veiny erection. This man hadn't even started his fucking spree yet, and he already was at this point? Jesus Christ.

    "Let's fuck at my desk," the Principal suggested.

    "Fantastic idea!" Baldi approved.

    The Principal got to the desk. Baldi somehow summoned lube and applied it, and then he shoved his banana up the Principal's tight ass and began to thrust it repeatedly. At first, dealing with Baldi's banana was painful, but the pain evolved into bliss. It got so blissful that he came to a point of climaxing.

    "Big daddy, I'm gonna cum!" the Principal announced.

    Baldi came after him, and the whole room was filled with semen.

    The student witnessed everything and became scarred for life.


	2. More bullfuckery

    Baldi's ruler became peanut butter and jelly as it laid on the teacher's desk. It thought it was practically the husband of Baldi, and yet Baldi went for the fucking Principal. How dare he?!

    Conveniently, its bald owner came in to get the ruler. It asked once he got to the desk, "Daddy, why don't you like me?"

    "Because who in hell dates a fucking ruler?" Baldi exclaimed. "Plus, my boss is sexier than you. You might have inches, but that's all you've got 'cause you're a little bitch. Also, I'm not your goddamn 'daddy.' You know who my real daddy is.

    "Now, shut your pi hole, or I'll split you in half and put you in the trash."

    "Oh, shit."

    Baldi was pissed. The ruler just had to speak again. "Rubbish!"

    "No! Don't kill me!" Baldi grabbed the ruler and mercilessly split it in half, bringing out a piercing shriek from it. He dropped its halves in a trash can.

    "Oops, now I need a new ruler," Baldi realized. Baldi thought for a few seconds. "Well, I'll just buy a new one. Then I'll come back later."

    Baldi made his way to the local school supply store and bought a new ruler. Yay.

    Along the way to his schoolhouse, he realized there was something else he wanted to get (besides the Principal's dick). He went to a random adult store equipped with mannequins wearing lingerie. Judging by the labels under its name, it sold not only lingerie, but also videos and toys. You know, definitely for the kids.

    His selections from this store were interesting, to say the least. He bought a sexy little outfit, thousands of gay porn films, and some good ol' toys.

— — —

    Baldi decided to use his next planning time in his classroom as an advantage. The door was locked and no one was inside to look at him. It was just him...

    And his dildo!!!!

    That dildo got stuck to the wall, and then it found its way up his shithole fast. Baldi pretty much jacked off for the millionth time for three reasons: 1) the Principal was too busy giving more detentions 2) he was obviously horny as shit 3) he had nothing else to do with his shitty life at the moment.

    In twenty minutes, Baldi ended up splashing his cake frosting like annoying kids throwing water in a public pool. Somehow, no one heard him the whole time.

    RRRRIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!

    Speaking of annoying kids, a bunch of lunatics for children ran in the room like hell before he could put his dildo away and his pants up. Then they screamed like they were in a horror movie over the sight of his pork sword and ran out in the halls.

    With his astonishing hearing, Baldi overheard the Principal giving detentions to every single student he found running in the halls, clearly fed up with their bullshit. As his home skillet administered a plethora of detentions, he tossed off his current clothes. He changed into the sexy outfit he had bought earlier — sheer black tights, black heels, some stupid black corset, and even stupider bunny ears.

    He turned off the lights and just put some candles on the desk. He got on top of the desk and stole a sexy pose from Deadpool as he waited excitedly for his man.

    In five minutes, he heard something...

    "IIIT'S SWEEPIN' TIIIIIME!"

    Well, shit. Gotta Sweep entered the room and swept Baldi outta here until he made him bump into the Principal. Not only did they crash, but Baldi fell on top of him. Best of all, their crotches touched.

    "Just the tip, Mr. Despacito," Baldi seductively requested before his outfit could be questioned.

    "No, you don't want just the tip," the Principal remarked. "You want me to swallow your whole dick since you're a whore."

    "Are you seriously about to suck some cock _again_?" Gotta Sweep complained. "You're in my way!"

    "Go the other way, then," the Principal commanded.

    Gotta Sweep turned the other way and left the gay men in obedience. End of story.

    The Principal was the first to start getting to business. He slid under Baldi until his face was under that cock-a-doodle-doo. He pulled down Baldi's thong, and he went for the tip first.

    Baldi ended up with a stiffy fast as the Principal went on, but he quickly wanted more than just the tip. He shoved the rest of his stiffy into the other man's mouth, causing the Principal to have to try not to choke on that other head.

    Baldi at first was moaning quietly, but he soon became so loud that he made Gotta Sweep look as quiet as a library. The Principal knew this whorebag was too loud, so he decided to get even more kinky and, uh, give him a punishment???? ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ

    Actually, that's not really what happened. He just let go of Baldi's cock abruptly because he remembered he had something to do. Baldi scowled at him.

    "Why did you stop?" Baldi asked.

    "Right now, there's something even more important than sucking your dick," the Principal replied.

    "Okay, then just say it."

    "Wait." The Principal stood up, motioning for Baldi to do the same, so Baldi obeyed. "Are you free tonight?"

    "Yes, I am."

    "Well, are you open for a date?"

    "JKZbhahsdguawiudgiuw YASADATEWITHMISTERDESPACITOfdIAWGFJGDF yiulsgziluyqrSIUZLHZÔÁFZHYKJ BHJSHAOHSIAHIO" BALDI LSOT HIS SHIST ONCE AGIN FOR HSI PAPI ONCE AGAIN. This was nothing new, but the Principal was still not used to that, especially since he was screaming rather than taking action this time. His episodes were always weird, various, and utterly random.

    "What...?"

    "WHERE YA WANA GO, BABY???" ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

    The Principal briefly pondered. "Uh, some kind of restaurant? Maybe that Italian one nearby?"

    "SOUNDS GRRRRRREAT!"

    The Principal was getting uncomfortable by this point, but he tried to keep his cool since he knew Baldi was going to get out of this mode soon. All he did was briefly hesitate and get red cheeks. "And, uh, what time are you good with?"

    "7:30???" ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

    "Yes. Let's go with 7:30."


	3. Eating ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Baldi took a shower and donned a suit and pants, plus a tie he took forever to tie because he depended on a random YouTube video to help his poor soul. He didn't wear the standard black suit and pants; rather, he chose it all to be a vibrant green, and his tie was red. His shoes were a contrasting black. He finished off with several sprays of cologne.

He got in his low- _class_ black car and began to proceed. He put on a radio station perfect for his horrible taste in music, and you know what the song playing was?

" _Despacito / Quiero desnudarte a besos despacito / Firmo en las paredes de tu laberinto / Y hacer de tu cuerpo todo un manuscrito_ "

MMMMmmmmMMM YESSS DESPASEETO PRINSE KENNITH—

   No, Baldimore, he told himself in his mind just when he was about to speed up to 80 mph. Pull yourself together for once. You're driving.

Twenty minutes later, he still had not lost his shit again, which was quite a surprise. He looked at the time and saw 7:28. He screamed in horror.

 He ended up losing control of himself yet again, but this time, it was out of total panic. He started cutting people off, giving them middle fingers, taking red lights, speeding as much as he could, and overall being a douchebag. But, hey, he had to be in time for his boyfriend. The hell with it?

He arrived to the fancy old-fashioned Italian restaurant at 7:32, angry at himself and feeling like shit. There was his man just outside the entrance, wearing another suit and pants. They were black, and his tie was dark blue. His shoes were brown. How fancy and astounding! Baldi could not resist fluently approaching him (but that was also because he was freaking out over being slightly late).

"Hey, I'm sorry I'm late," Baldi anxiously apologized. "I left my house too late and got stuck in traffic."

 "It's alright, honey," the Principal forgave him. "It was only two minutes. It's no big deal."

Baldi was relieved. "Phew. Anyway, let's get in, baby."

The hostess brought the two to a booth, where they sat across from each other. They began looking at the menus and trying to decide what to order.

"I'm thinking of eating spaghetti and meatballs," Baldi said thoughtfully.

 "I'm thinking of eating your dick," the Principal joked. Baldi erupted in laughter, and then so did he at his own joke. They cracked up until their waitress arrived, interrupting them.

"Hi, I'm Quialifahloofahbug, and I'm going to be your server tonight," she greeted. "What would you like to drink?"

"His cum — I mean a cucumber kiwi sangria," the Principal frantically corrected himself.

"And I'll have water," Baldi told her calmly.

"Alright, are you ready to order?" Quialifahloofahbug asked.

"I am," Baldi answered. 

"So am I," the Principal added.

"Great," she commented. 

"I'll have the spaghetti and meatballs," Baldi ordered first.

"I'd like pastacielli," the Principal requested. 

Quialifahloofahbug wrote the orders down. She gathered the menus and left. Now the two were left to themselves again at last. 

"You know, Baldi," the Principal started, "I've actually known you like me since a while ago." 

"Did you like me back when you knew?" Baldi asked.

"I don't think I did initially. Then, when I did start liking you, I guess I tried to hide it."

"Why?"

"Hmm." The Principal thought for a few seconds. "I think I was just too scared to date anyone at the time, so I waited, but that was only until you randomly took my virginity. That's when I decided you're the one, no exceptions—"

 Quialifahloofahbug came back and cut them off once more by awkwardly putting the drinks down on the table. She heard the Principal mumble, "This fucking bitch." However, Baldi did not hear him.

"I love you, Kennith," Baldi affectionately reminded him.

"I love you too, Baldimore," the Principal flirted back.

 "Do you have any idea how much I want to take you home?"

"I think I do considering how much of a hoe you are for me — in a good way, of course."

"Do you want to do anything else after this tonight?" 

"What, no. We've sucked each others' dicks enough times for the week." 

"Why are we always bringing up sex randomly, no matter what we're talking about?" 

"I don't know."

"Me, neither."

Awkward silence.

Quialifahloofahbug arrived with Baldi's entree and interrupted them again with, "You've been talking too seriously for too long. Here's your food."

"Bitch, mind your goddamn business," the Principal snapped at her. "Pay attention to your fucking job, not what's going on with customers' personal lives."

She just left. She knew she was owned. Baldi thanked him for calling her out.

 Baldi wrapped some noodles around his fork and stabbed the fork into a meatball. He officially began devouring his food.

In the process, the Principal asked, "May I try it?"

 "Of course," Baldi permitted.

 The Principal took a piece with his fork. In the process, he felt a pull on one noodle, and Baldi felt it, too, so they looked at each other and down at the plate several times in confusion as the noodle pulled on both sides. It began to get smaller and lifted higher and higher from the plate.

 Both sides continued pulling at the single noodle. The closer their faces got, the more they blushed. Once they were very close, they smiled, had a short kiss, let their noses rub briefly, and quietly giggled. Then they split the noodle.

Someone had to be fangirling in the background. They heard an ecstatic scream, probably coming from someone who was sitting in a table nearby. Oh, wait, it was the fucking bitch, Quialifahloofahbug! They just stared at her with displeased expressions this time, trying to keep their cool...until Baldi decided to do something about her. 

"I'll be back," he announced. After the Principal said, "Okay," he stood up and went for the males' restroom, but when he was in front of the door, he found her again. She was coincidentally entering the females' restroom. 

"Oh, hi," she greeted.

 He quickly made a clone of himself, and pew pew pew! The laser beams coming from the clone's eyes turned her to smithereens. Baldi would not be blamed, too; only his stupid clone would have it. 

"Confess to the murder if you find the manager, and put all the blame on yourself," Baldi told it to do.

"Okay," the clone mindlessly accepted.

He finally took a piss and left as if nothing had happened. He returned to his table, where he saw that the Principal had already begun eating his pastacielli.

"That was fast," the Principal commented.

"Yes," Baldi answered. He leaned closer to him to whisper, "By the way, 'Quickfilet,' or whatever her shitty name was, isn't our server anymore. I made a clone of myself, and he killed her."

The Principal was glad. "Yes! She's finally gone!" His mood changed into concern. "Wait, how are we going to pay for everything?"

Baldi improvised a plan. "I'll say that the clone killed her, and that we want someone else."

"To whom?"

"The manager. Oh, and just say you didn't see anything happen, which is true. I don't want you to worry about this business."

"So we're basically telling the truth, and that's it?"

"Yes, so don't worry about faking anything."

"Okay."

The Principal nervously waited and ate more of his pastacielli at the same time while Baldi got to the manager, who was standing at a guest's table.

"Excuse me, sir," Baldi initiated a conversation with. The manager turned to him. "My waitress has been killed, maybe a few minutes ago? I witnessed it. May I get a new one?"

"What the fuck is this?" the manager questioned. 

Baldi's clone passed by and told the manager, "Hi, I'm the one who killed someone!"

The manager turned his head towards the clone. "Oh, the waitress?"

"Yes."

"Okay, thanks. I will gladly call the police on you!" He looked at Baldi again. "In the meantime, I'll get some other person to take her place."

"Alrighty." Baldi came back to the table and sat down. His boyfriend seemed to be sweating and perhaps stress-eating; half of his plate had vanished already. "Are you okay?"

"Yes. I just got nervous about you."

"Ah, okay. Nothing happened to me, by the way; the clone's getting it.” 

"Oh, good."

As the clone got arrested, Baldi finished up his food. Then the new server came and took the leftover plates. She asked them, "Would you like dessert?" 

"Not here; I'm having ice cream," the Principal replied with a lenny face.

 "Okay, then." She sounded somewhat disappointed.

"You're having ice cream?" Baldi questioned. 

"The ice cream is your cummies."

"Holy shit. I thought you said you've sucked my cock enough times for the week or something like that?"

"I've changed my mind, drill sergeant."

Baldi's excitement skyrocketed. "Let's do it, spicy meatball!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kennith is the real name given to the Principal by some other fans. I did not come up with it. I also did not come up with Baldimore myself.


	4. Oh, shit

    Now that the date finished, Baldi and the Principal got to their mission to have even more good sex.

    In Baldi's bedroom, the lovers got half-naked, basically wearing only their underwear. The Principal — no, right now, Kennith —toppled Baldi, leaving Baldi bottomed. He teased him by sucking at his dick for a few seconds and licking from the stomach to Baldi's chest. They started tongue-kissing passionately, with Kennith holding him while touching Baldi's thigh and aiming for the good ass. He switched to Baldi's chest with that same arm and then used it for even more teasing. He went to the chest, to his dick again, and soon just used it to gently hold his face a little bit.

    Spontaneously, Baldi broke the kissing streak by flipping himself and Kennith over. Baldi got his underwear off, then Kennith's.

    "Get ready for the big one, papi chulo," Baldi hyped up.

"Hold my beer," Kennith interrupted.

    "Wait, what?"

    They flipped over once again, this time because of Kennith. He put his Willy Wonka in Baldi's hole, guided by lube as he thrusted. Baldi was pleasured by it pressing into him, and soon was moaning but also panting due to adjusting to the size.

"You're so fucking tight," Kennith had to admit. He, too, was aroused.

    "And you're so big!"

    After forty minutes, when they were reaching their climaxes...

**_"GOTTA SWEEP SWEEP SWEEP!"_ **

"Did you lock the door?" Kennith asked, almost panting by this point.

"Ngh, shit!" Baldi exclaimed, with his eyes widening. He hoped the broom was not coming in... _Please, anywhere but this room!_

"Goddammit. Let's just continue."

Baldi felt his Mr. Happy being rubbed by a hand. He ended up having so much arousal going on that he had an orgasm and came on the sheets. Then, Kennith's load happily settled in Baldi's tush.

_**"HEEERE WE GO!"** _

Gotta Sweep opened the door hard, clearly much too energetic to stay calm. He saw the naked men fast and raged at them, "What the fuck are you doin' here right now?!"

"We just thought it was a good idea to dip the wick," Baldi explained innocently.

"For the millionth time in a week?"

"Our relationship doesn't only revolve around having sex," the Principal told Gotta Sweep.

"Really? Then why did it take him having sex with you for this shit to start?"

The men stayed silent.

"I heard everythin' on that day. I was just passin' by, an' I heard a bunch of moanin', and then, 'Big daddy, I'm gonna cum!' I hadn't heard nothin' like that before comin' from either of ya, so I knew there was shit goin' on. Then you jus' kept goin' on and on, an' I ignored it, but you've made me snap for the second time today! I don' need to see you two having sex in the schoolhouse, and neither does no one else! All in all, stop this rampant sex and _get out_! Especially _you_ , Baldimore!"

    The men grabbed their clothes and got out as soon as they could. They began putting them back on just outside the room.

    "Get out of my face, Baldi!" Kennith barked at him. (Arf!)

Baldi was scared shitless. "What, why?"

"You've only been causing problems here for most of the time! Maybe not enough to fire you, but it might as well get there."

    "Are you instilling a breakup?"

    "...Uh, I'll think about that."

    The angry Kennith left, fully dressed. Baldi watched him leave as he wrapped up on putting his clothes back on. He waited for Gotta Sweep to finish cleaning, and then he got back in the room and cried himself to sleep.


	5. Intense anime fight!!!!!!!!!!!

    Baldi was ANSNBDWMMBHGEBEHHSNSN!!! He ragd bi slapin wif rulr al da kids he saw. Slaps dubled if they had meth prablims _WRONG_

    No one seemed to comprehend why he was extra angry, but they were suspicious. They had been hearing rumors of him and the Principal, according to Gotta Sweep, "sucking each other's cocks in the schoolhouse every day," and he still hadn't done anything like it on this day, at least yet.

    This did not mean Baldi would never see his lover(?) today, though. During his lunch break, he found him walking around the cafeteria alone and watching students to see if they were disobeying his rules. When they saw each other, they froze. Just when the Principal turned away from him, Baldi followed him behind his back.

Baldi confessed, faking confidence, "Kennith, I'm sorry about what happened last night."

"It's not only about last night, actually," the Principal brought up. "Get in the office with me."

    "So, why are you angry with me in the first place?" Baldi asked.

    "Because you're ruining my reputation."

"Oh, because blaming everything on me will do! Not everything is my fault. It's also yours for not doing shit, too."

"Well, you're a fucking animal. I know you're hard to control. I at first loved this, but now it's a no-no."

    "Okay, are you just trying to start a fight?"

"You know what, yeah! GO AHEAD AND FIGHT ME, YOU STINKY LITTLE WHORE WITH A 1-CENTIMETER COCK!"

"Dafuq? You are terribly out of character right now; why are you yelling like this—"

The Principal's eyes flared in light blue, and then he shot the lasers at him. However, Baldi remained undefeated.

"Alright, cocksucker #2, I'll join in," Baldi confidently agreed.

"OKAY! I'LL MAKE SURE TO DEFEAT YOU RIGHT ON THE SPOT, CORRUPT YOUR REPUTATION, AND—"

"Stop revealing all your plans like a bad villain and shut your big _pi_ hole."

The Principal gathered all his aura and released it all in the phattest yellow beam ever conceived, except it came from his mouth. He basically ripped off an attack by Netero from _Hunter x Hunter_ in a fight scene against Meruem.

    The office became fucked up from the beam, at least where that mess hit. It even destroyed some random picture of Baldi that was on a drawer. Regardless, Baldi was invincible. He only had scratches because he was the man.

To further show his dominance, Baldi T-posed and then floated in the air, adding a squat position in. Once his pants and underwear flew off like a thong in the bedroon, first-world horse shit fell from his bum in piles. Boy, did that shit leave a scent.

    "I know your true weakness, you little pussy!" the Principal fought back, slightly calmer this time.

    "Oh, really?" Baldi was getting overconfident by this point.

    The Principal opened the door and grabbed a random plumbing stick. Then he shoved a whole foot of it up Baldi's butt.

    "Ohh, kawaii desu~," Baldi moaned. "HHHHHHHNG!"

    BALDI FELL INTO A DAYDREAM OF DAD SENSAIII PRINCY doin it with him FOR THE _MILLIONTH TIM_ GODAMIT

    Baldi returned to normal. Even his pants were actually on him again. "I'm sorry."

"I am, too, for wasting your time and starting such bullshit."

"Uh, you want to meet again later?"

"Sure!"


	6. Escalating things

The Principal got down on a knee in front of Baldi, pulling out a ring, and beseeched, "Please marry me, Baldimore."

"OMG YES OF COURSE!!!!!!11!!!" Baldi hyperactively accepted.

And so a big gay wedding got planned.


	7. The moment you’ve been waiting for

At a fancy ballroom was where it was planned to happen. Even better, it was on a Saturday and on Baldi's birthday. In addition, a bunch of random characters who don't matter in the story were invited, but almost no students were able to come in. They wore whatever they wanted to wear as long as it was formal.

    This was not like any other gay wedding, though. Screw having two grooms, because one of them was the bride regardless. No one could resist the moment of the bride coming up towards the groom, anyway.

    After the boringness of waiting for every guest to come in, other boring shit, eating weird appetizers, and being annoyed by Playtime begging others to play with her, they all sat down in mildly uncomfortable white chairs. In the middle of these chairs laid a carpet longer than Baldi's tower. Guests stared at it in anticipation like wild animals since they were sure the bride was going through it.

    Playtime took charge of the music...surprisingly. She put on _Can You Feel the Love Tonight_ by Elton John.

    "Play _Despacito_ , you shithead!" someone complained.

    "Okay," Playtime accepted. However, she didn't really accept it, because she started playing an internationally hated song, _Baby_ by Justin Bieber.

But once the Principal, who should be called Kennith again, came in as the groom, she stopped the song and let _Despacito_ start playing. Following this, the bride, Baldi, started walking up to his soon-to-be-husband with flowers in his hands. Many guests brought out their phones and cameras instantly. They were recording him and taking pictures, as well as cheering.

    Along the way, Baldi's little Johnson insisted on coming out to play. Although it was supposed to do this later, it had decided to become rebellious. This was no surprise. Let's face it, how many times has it been out of his pants ever since he got with Kennith?

Baldi shifted his attention towards the handsome groom. He stood beside him now, watching him act innocent just because now was not the time to react to Baldi's pop-up. They shared glances before the officiant, 1st Prize, got between them.

1st Prize gave his word and then asked, "So Baldi, will you marry—?"

"HELL YEAH!" Baldi interrupted and announced for all to hear. "I OBVIOUSLY DO!!!!1!1"

Baldi got the ring on instantly, smooched the bride, and got to business with the rest of the wedding.

After all that, the news of the wedding were spread throughout the whole school. Now the suspicious other students finally knew what was up with their math teacher and principal.


	8. Just before the honeymoon

In his office, the Principal completed his itinerary for his and Baldi's upcoming honeymoon in Puerto Rico at the last minute. He printed two copies in case one got lost and left them on his desk. He then proceeded to look at fights to the country, but he changed his mind. After all, why pay thousands of dollars for a decent flight and waste two hours at the airport when you can travel in more efficient ways? 

    When he got home, he brought a dark blue suitcase out of his closet. He unzipped it before he laid it open on the floor. He took his sweet time organizing his clothes and other items, taking twenty minutes, but the result looked good. Now that he was all done, he just chilled out.

    Meanwhile, Baldi was not so relaxed. He had a little mission to accomplish for himself. You see, there was a wedding crasher last week. It was the one and only screaming janitor, Gotta Sweep. He was the one spreading bullshit rumors about him and his newly wed husband all over the school, such as that they made him have to clean up tons of their cum every day, gave blowjobs to children randomly, and had the world's nastiest oral and anal sex in the halls frequently (okay, that one is true). 

 

\- - -

 

    Baldi and the Principal were going to leave for Puerto Rico right after school ended, so Baldi was determined as ever to complete his objective. He didn't even bother managing his students; beating the broom's ass(?) was his priority.

    Once he found Gotta Sweep sprinting through a hall, he ran towards him with suppressed fury waiting to burst like a shaking soda bottle... Well, more like he took a big step every three seconds, each three seconds counted by a loud slam on his ruler. As you can tell, he really wasn't using whatever intelligence he had in his brain, if he even had it.

     _ **"IIIIIT'S SWEEPIN' TIIIME!"**_

    Baldi's heart pulsated dramatically at the shout. He stood there, anticipating a crash. Then Gotta Sweep rammed into him at 200 miles per hour, but in the process, Baldi grabbed him by the handle. With a jerk of his arm, he slammed the broom into a wall, and blatantly obvious cracks formed in the wall from the impact.

    Baldi threw him through the ceiling mercilessly, expecting him to never return to the schoolhouse. Regardless, Gotta Sweep pissed him off by returning!

Someone put on an unfamiliar song over the schoolhouse speakers all of a sudden. It was the unique work of art known as _Dame tu Cosita_.      

    Holy shit, did Baldi get hard!!!! 

     _ **HHRRAHH**!!!!_ BLaDli ThRRU TH sWIfFA brUM OUTSIDE.. IT WENT NYYYYOOM INTo skIs N SpaC IN NanOSeCCONd!!!!!!!

    YESAAHH BAbii TIM 4 pUERTTO RIca wiF DADDYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!11!1!1

Baldi stopped in the bathroom to do business. However, it wasn't the type one would expect. He sat down on the toilet, freed his desperate friend, and fiercely rubbed it until he groaned as he squirted. Afterwards, he looked at the time on his watch.

    **_AHHHHHHHHH_**  

    Baldi jumped through the window in a state of emergency and made a Naruto run for the Principal's house! He arrived with Szechuan sauce in packs he summoned and consumed in distress during the run. Most of them were emptied by the time he got to the entrance. Out of politeness, he made them disappear rather than littering all over the place. Now that he was prepared to see his padre, he rang the doorbell.

The Principal opened the door and observed him briefly, seeing nothing in his hands, "No forgetting your luggage for the trip."

"Fucking hell," Baldi muttered. 

"Come back with them by 4:30. Then, I will take you on a ride." 

Baldi got excited fast. "On your dick?"

"No, to Puerto Rico."

Baldi frowned like a spoiled brat and immediately left to get his luggage. He forgot why he was angry by the time he returned with his stuff at 4:20, but oh, well. When the Principal saw his luggage, he finally decided on getting his own. He rose from the ground, rotated to face the ground, and stretched his back out. He looked at Baldi and instructed him, "Put your belongings on me as I have done with mine, and rise on my back." 

"Alright, Kennith." 

"I am no longer Kennith. I am SschuojwhewdwdhwudhuwgdauwhsxdaddyjasxbniuahdiqSQOOJIOEHQUWRHdqowuhudhwydbqiuwndqwfteaaidjhqudhqwufbdqwaiufbaiwoqhrqirywteitgtcumwnxmoidskxaosskoqjeiwqheduwqhqtywdftydixbauowdhqhuiwqhdbnxauiqwydufgetycnuixmowejfhugycnaismpeuwyisuahixqwohdcuowehgufgchwoaisjihdweguyudjopwqjailcbkjdsbvygfeytwirudiqwoajklnsbcheyudiosajkndfgyuyeiwajopsdfgheryityaijsknbdfguyewiuahosjqwhahqvyfiguhiwougefigsdbcjnhijwue8yr7dhsvbajnkj Drawfqegwheuqwhruwehofr Djwhiuhfbeahdswgerydabuhoiryeigufyduhoiwefughaifq8yoi7gefwduhiefyghdsijwqu8eyr7iguyfdashijowehrguyfbjdnhjieohfdgbsjnaijwoeruhgirbdsjaniehoquwigyrufbdhsjoidweryuigydhbsoijeyrdfgvhsbuioeyfdguhsvbjnlehiorufgiyduhbseioryfgdbhkjshioufgydbhsijeoyruigydkhijqwpqqeihouegjsfbdnalidoehufbdsjaiowdeufgybdhsjaiweruydfghbsjaueifgydhbsjadhueifgyhbdjshaijouefgydhjisaye7rigfuydsbhaijoweuhgiyqhiojpaklsndjbeuyiwojsdihfjgduijhukgcfxcghuijokjihugyftdrsexrdtcfvybguhunjnhbytgvfcdrxeszxrdctfvybgunimonubyvtcrxezwxrcdtvybunimonjhubgyvtfcrdxezxsdrcftvygbuhnijmoknjbgvcfdxszawsxdcfvgbhnjnhbgyvftcdrxeszwexrctvybunimoklkjbhbvgcfdxerswzrxctvybuinomnjihbugvycftxrezwrxctvybuinmokjnibhugvycftdrxewzrxtcyvfugbihnojibhjgvcfdrxsezwasrd5rf65gt7yhiunbhugvcftdxrsedf6tg7yh8ujiomnjbhugvcfdxrsedtg7yh8ujiomnjibhjgvcfdxsezdr5f6tg7yh8uijnbhgvcfdxrsedtfgyuhinjbhugvycftdxredtfgyhujiomnjkbhgvcfdxzeaWs4d5f6g7h8j9kpjoimnjbkhvgcfdxrwserdtfgyhujiokp,mknjbhgvcfdxrsedftgyhujopap de la Reywbdqwkdbhwqophdfqoiruwefhdjnlkjfiehgubcjnsoeifhuwegfucnwqioefhiquehfueqhfuhqoiwufipqufiouw, and I will show you the magical land of Puerto Rico."

"Great! Let's go!"


	9. Baldi finds Despacito 2 and does it again!!!!

The Principal grew wings and soared high into the sky with Baldi and the luggage on his back. He got to an altitude of 666,666 feet off the ground. He drifted through the clouds in the sky at an inhuman speed with zero effort. Airplanes had nothing on this. In fact, it was such a wonderful flight that Baldi could feel the immense power of the oxygen against his body. Since he had never felt such a powerful force of oxygen before, he wanted to feel it even more for fun. He sat up and raised his arms up like someone being thrilled on a roller coaster.

    "No raising your arms in the sky," the Principal ordered.

    But it was too late.

    "Oh, no!" Baldi yelled when he slipped off his husband's back within seconds.

    "Goddammit," the Principal complained before he shifted towards the falling Baldi. Baldi was falling so fast that he was difficult to catch. He added on, his voice echoing, "We're going to Puerto Rico, not the ocean!"

    "Holy skittles! I forgot to learn more Spanish before the trip!"

    " _¡Mierda!_ "

    "Catch me or we're buying fidget spinners as souvenirs!"

    _No!_ The Principal fucking _hated_ those things! He banned them from the fucking schoolhouse! This deal made him motivated to put even more effort in catching up to him, and in thirty more seconds, he finally caught Baldi. Mysteriously, none of the luggage fell off. Lucky him!

"Hooray, no fidget spinners!" Baldi cheered.

"I have a surprise for you, Baldi," the Principal announced with a lenny face.

    "Oh, boy! What is it?"

    "You'll see it later in the day." The Principal kept his lenny face.

    "Great! I can't wait!"

    In just twenty more minutes, they were about to land. Baldi heard something faintly... Was that a Spanish song? He couldn't make out the lyrics, but he could certainly hear the classic reggaeton beat that belonged to every single hit Spanish song in existence. Could it have been _Despacito_?

Hmm. As they got closer to the ground, Baldi concluded that this wasn't quite it. The vocals were too deep to match up. He was able to make out the lyrics as well soon...

    _. . ._ _¡Dame tu cosita! Ah, ay..._

    "Yo, Kennith, can you Shazam this?" Baldi asked.

    "There is no reception up here. Just wait until we land, and I will Google the lyrics you remember."

    "Oh, that's right! I can wait...I think."

"You won't be waiting for long. We're only so far from the hotel now."

And just like that, the Principal sped up at the maximum until he was at a hotel in San Juan within just ten seconds. Now the song was completely out of range, but Baldi at least remembered what he heard.

Baldi stepped off his back and got the luggage off. The Principal's wings settled into his back, and he just laid on his back with his arms and legs spread.

"What's the matter?" Baldi asked him.

"I'm exhausted," the Principal answered monotonously.

"But we gotta get in the hotel first, right? Then maybe you can take a nap."

"Eh, good idea." The Principal got up slowly and helped Baldi with the big rolling suitcases to bring in.

They found out that their room in this rather cheap-looking hotel was number 420. It was the twentieth room on the fourth floor. They hopped on the elevator and headed to their room. Immediately after the room card accessed their access to the room, the Principal threw himself on the bed and fell asleep, no questions asked.

In the meantime, Baldi took out a VHS tape from one of his suitcases. He put it in the VHS player and watched a few of those gay porn films he bought until the Principal woke up in half an hour.

    After they unpacked everything, Baldi reminded him, "Wait, we gotta Google the song."

    "Oh, right," the Principal recalled. "What was that lyric?"

    "'Dame tu cosita,' I think."

    The Principal pulled out his phone and connected to the web through his iPhone X. He searched up the lyric on Google. "Huh. The song is titled _Dame tu Cosita_."

    "Alright! Play that shit."

    "Of course." the Principal opened up YouTube and typed in the search bar, _dame tu cosita_. He found the music video for the song in seconds. He put it to play.

Baldi was so impressed that he got even more diamond-hard than he was when he first heard the song now that he was also seeing the supreme visuals of a marketable dancing alien. This was a pinnacle of humanity right here, man. He officially became a believer in aliens living on Mars, and more importantly, he found the legendary _Despacito 2_ on accident.

    He quickly reported after the song finished, "It's _Despacito 2_! Let's put this on the news!"

    "Not yet. We have something to do first."

"What, having dinner?"

"Yes, but first, I invite you to spend time with me in the bedroom. I have regenerated my energy with a power nap, and am now capable of lasting 30, 50, or even 90 minutes."

    "Wait, what? Really?"

    "Listen, Baldi," the Principal purred. "This is how we do it down in Puerto Rico."

    The Principal got his hands off the phone, throwing it on the sofa, and then his hands got on Baldi's figure. As soon as he pinned him against a mirror, they threw their hands all over each other as they dramatically tongue-kissed, breathing heavily in lust. The Principal drew a hand to Baldi's joystick and gave it some moan-generating rubs.

    The Principal was so fucking hard, he couldn't take it anymore.

    He dropped his pants to the floor and flipped their places; now he leaned against the mirror, and Baldi no longer did. Promptly, Baldi took dominance instead. He got straight to eating some good meat, earning moans of overwhelming pleasure to a point of—

    "Not so fast," Baldi stopped. "The moment is just beginning, right?"

    Yes, please," the Principal begged. "I want you to make me scream, _mi compadre~_!"

    The men got naked on their hotel bed. Baldi maintained a mega erection as he bumped his uglies into the anus, even when his man got to screaming out the world's best orgasm.

    "I'm about to nut!" the Principal eventually warned. Baldi still didn't stop yet, even with the bust of a fat nut.

    "Agck, what the fuck?" the Principal panted. He was overstimulated as hell now, but even with that, some part of him didn't want Baldi to stop.

    "You're doing fantastic, Daddy Yankee!" Baldi assured him.

    Baldi soon had a problem, though. He, too, had to cum soon! Just when he was about to say something about it was when he accidentally splooged his warm semen into the bum.

    _Hot damn it, I just squirted mayo in his buns!_ Baldi scolded himself in his mind.

    "Mmm, thanks for the surprise," the Principal moaned.

    "No problem!" Baldi was proud of himself now.


End file.
